Sick
by FreezePride
Summary: Characters: Lea (Axel), Even (Vexen) When he seems to be at his most misled state Lea looks for advice in the most unlikely of places only to find that the answer is far more complicated than he could have dreamed of.


"I just don't understand."

Lea slumped into his seat, looking exhausted, astounded and confused all in one loaded expression. He ran his slender fingers through that strikingly gravity-opposing, brilliant red hair with the practiced ease of one who simply could not seem to comprehend their own misfortune. It was quite impressive, Even reflected, observing him with attentive, poison green eyes and choosing silence in lieu of interrupting the newest keyblade wielder's line of thought.

"I'm training and fighting to save all of us. Why does no one seem to even try give me a break?" He snapped, more to himself than to the present academic, not expecting his companion to even try to commiserate. His voice was strained with barely contained tight frustration and genuine confusion. There was almost pity in those green eyes which observed him politely, patiently, yet stoically.

"Do you want a comfortable lie or the cold, hard truth?" Even began, his tone a usual even and intellectual one which he had been rather well known for as he stepped forward to speak. The soft, gentle moonlight filtered through the curtains of the radiant Garden residence cast an eerie shadow across the bandages which he sported with a willing ease, but the strained and slowed gait which he used was also strikingly apparent. His last battle had left it's mark in more ways than one. It seemed that even in his weakest state, he could find solace within his own intrinsic knowledge and self-assuredness, whereas his companion was falling apart with the lack of.

Lea glanced up at him and for a ghost of a moment, he seemed to take pause. Then, with a courageous, yet rather heavy nod, he spoke. "The truth."

"Smart man, but maybe a bit masochistic." Even chuckled, half bitter, part timid, wholeheartedly intrigued. "Because you obviously deserve to be treated this way." Even flinched at the expletive flung in his direction at that response, but it was nothing unexpected. He flashed a warning glare at the pyromaniac, reprimanding him wordlessly. "Think about it, Lea." He persisted.

"You've given us little to no reason to depend upon you. As soon as you choose one side to remain loyal to, the next second you have changed your mind to align with whoever has the most power and safety to offer to your person." He stepped out from behind the wooden chair to stand before Lea at full, proud height, explaining with a measured, cold calmness all of the facts present, with the precision that only a scientist could muster of someone's life choices.

"You chose to follow Saix's orders with the idea of protecting young Roxas, and yet your loyalty for him was only holding on by mere threads. You slaughtered an entire castle full of members to protect the young child at the time, only to then turn on him again when he decided to attempt escape." Even's words sounded unforgiving and frigid in the shining moonlight which cast itself across the small, quaint residence. Even's truth left no room for interruption as he plowed onward with Lea's transgressions. "Your actions as a renegade 'nobody' not only threatened the keyblade wielders, it also went against the ideals of the organization at the time. You were confusing, chaotic, destructive almost to the point of _insanity_ and you accomplished next to nothing which Sora could not have himself achieved." That glare, those eyes, that frozen calculation; this was a man who had obviously lived his life by the establishment of logical fact and he would be damned if he would let these facts be overlooked.

Lea was dumbfounded. He glanced up at Even, mouth agape in a slightly amazed but entirely horrified silence. He seemed on the verge of words, of a witty retort for the first second or so, but in lieu of making any noise at all, he swallowed thickly and cast his glance to his feet. The fire-wielder seemed to be trying to think of words, of some viable form of response, but nothing was coming to his aid. Vexen would have left him to it, at his point. He most likely would have presumptuously turned away to attend to much more important matters like experimentation and studies, but this was not the entirely unforgiving, frigid nobody who was present. No, Even held reign over the Academic's existence and he remained, staring down at Lea cruelly for a ghost of a moment before his expression softened greatly.

He knelt down next to Lea so that they were both eye level before he squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. The young man jumped in surprise, having expected nothing of the variety from the scholarly man before him, and he certainly did not expect for the man to be looking at him with such a keen understanding, or pity. "We all lost something intrinsic to us when we lost our hearts. Perhaps it was your loyalty or something close to it," the academic waved his hand flippantly, as though it couldn't matter less at the moment. "but what concerns us at this time is that these events are behind us and no amount of confused petulance or depression will change this."

It seemed for a fraction of a second that Axel and Lea battled within the fire-wielder. The ghost of a bitter sneer crossed the pyro's face but it quickly fell back to overwhelming frustration as a groan escaped him. "How?" He growled, yet again, more to himself than Even. "How can I even start when Lumaria looks at me like he about to slice my limbs off in a second, and Ienzo looks like he's about ready to do the same, just much more slowly. Aeleus won't even share space with me!" He cried into the darkness of their room, from his vantage on the wooden chair, hearing the sheer terror in his own voice that he certainly had not intended to show the academic in the slightest. "We've all done wrong! What gives them the right?" He finished, feeling winded.

"Yet, you've wronged them directly, Lea. Think of it from their point of view." Even explained calmly, measuredly. "You betrayed Marluxia's schemes for power, that one is more than apparent. You killed Zexion through my failed experiment, so that becomes an issue. In each of these cases, you've undermined someone else's point of view, and what they value most, control." He continued softly.

"But then, Aeleus, what gives him the-?"

"You should relate to him most, Lea." Even interrupted before the keyblade wielder verged on hysterics once more. "You _murdered_ Zexion. There was nothing in his world that could have harmed him more than that fact. Yes, he may have been felled at the time, but once he learned of your betrayal, I was surprised that he did not seek you out directly to return the favor." Lea stared forward unblinkingly, remembering the goliath man, the unreadable glance he had given him and how cold and absolutely terrified he felt for a ghost of a moment before he had walked away without a word. "Imagine, if Lexaeus had slaughtered Roxas. Just think of it in those terms." The horrifying picture of his towering figure, wielding his blunt weapon to bludgeon a defenseless child to death drifted into Lea's unwilling mind. He felt horrified, sickened, even more so that it was his Roxas that was screaming in pain, shrieking for mercy. "Frankly, he had every reason to do this considering his footing with Xemnas at the time, but that's an entirely new story for another day." Even chuckled grimly, as though the complications presented were beyond even his comprehension. "Regardless, he did not, out of his sheer respect for human life and his caring and paternal nature. There is not a gentler, more trustworthy human being among us than Aeleus, but on the same token, there is no one here who is more capable of causing that much destruction and pain. He is certainly is powerful enough to do so. Now, he leaves you alone out of respect for your current quest, but I don't blame him for needing to be out of your general vicinity." The academic trailed. "If that's what it takes to keep his rage at bay, so be it."

Lea seemed spent now. He stared forward at Even, yet not even at the academic at all. His tired, abused thoughts floated elsewhere, traveling, winding into a rather despairingly cold oblivion that lacked understanding entirely for his reasoning. After all this though, his reasoning seemed so very secondary. He glanced down at his hands. Yes, perhaps he truly was a serial killer, he realized with growing revulsion. "What about you, Ve-...Even?" He asked softly, not even caring that he had nearly botched the other's name out of instinct.

"I forgive you." Even answered without hesitation. Lea shuddered, his mind thrown into confusion once more; he had certainly not been expecting that, but then again, had he been expecting any of this tonight? The scientist seemed to understand. He smiled: a rare occurrence. Something seemed wise about him in that shared moment, him crouched next to the troubled young man, looking at him with an understanding which was far beyond his years. "It will take a bit of time to entirely forgive you, but yes, I do forgive you. It makes no logical sense to cling to these last straws of anger. I was well on my way to insanity when you killed me as Axel." He admitted, his tone a hint hollow, but he persisted onward. "Truthfully, you did me a favor, putting me out of my misery before I did any more lasting damage." This time his voice was a mere whisper as his hand slipped from the young man's arm to settle at his own side.

"Again, you must understand, I can never forget this sin which you have committed against me, Lea. You _burned_ me." Even paused, as though the words coming were about as hard to say as they were to hear. "Have you ever smelled the scent of burning flesh? Your own flesh, Lea?" He whispered, his smile faltered into an expressionless coldness, unreadable and impenetrable, as unforgiving as permafrost. "I cannot stay in the same room as you without remembering that stench, that pain, no matter how ephemeral it was. It makes me ill." He admitted, shaking his head slowly, his eyes staring blankly, yet persistently forward. Lea needed to hear this. He needed it, for the sake of understanding all those transgressions.

He locked eyes with Lea, his expression pleading for understanding for the information he was about to reveal, absolutely begging for him to listen to his words for once, not to shrug them away or misunderstand them completely.

"Lea, you make me sick."

And there it was, the ultimate truth which the young pyromaniac had so genuinely asked for. Even straightened once more and the silence between them stretched and hung as thickly as a cloying summer fog, numbing the senses and the pain. The truth was not comfortable, or welcoming. It did not set you free, it imprisoned you to the darkness of reality, the vile nature of the battle before them, and the coldness of how very alone he now was. The keyblade wielder was speechless, broken. In the back of his mind he heard soft, quick footsteps. Even was leaving now, he realized slowly through the madness of his shock.

"What do I do?" He cried to the scientist's retreating back, not expecting how petulant, how childish and how pleading he sounded. He could not know what answer he could possibly expect now that the air had been cleared and then, all in one fell swoop, entirely complicated once more.

Even stopped, framed in the threshold of the small cottage, silver moonlight rendering his form a tall, slender silhouette, almost otherworldly and inhuman, yet his voice when he finally spoke was, once again, filled with the same understanding that had radiated through their entire conversation. That voice was not the one of judgement, but one of forgiveness, decisions, and new beginnings. Even was hopeful for the first time in a long, long while.

"For once, Lea, do not settle for what is easy. Do what is right." And with that said and finished, he was gone.


End file.
